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I am so grateful to be featured in an ABC10 article that highlighted the importance of mental health during this pandemic, and also desired to celebrate and highlight Black health care workers during Black History month.
You can read the article below:
https://www.abc10.com/article/news/local/black-history/vernessa-roberts/103-901d2676-a38d-495b-a8e8-0336c86846b2?utm_campaign=snd-autopilot&fbclid=IwAR0rYr1pDaNbYSduk5EnOPSbeDn_2WgfF4dSVohtQG-iPk31BVpojt6RUWU
With the current racial unrest and injustices, being Black in America continues to be stressful, traumatic, and anxiety provoking. And although the recent events during a pandemic have heightened the awareness of others, those who live this experience know that these events and feelings are nothing new. There have been systems in place that continue to contribute to the inequalities of Blacks in America. So during these continued times, and continued fight, it is important to take care of ourselves. It is also important to normalize your feelings, and most importantly, know that you are not alone. Below is an article I am featured in that describes the feelings that many Blacks around America are feeling.
https://www.self.com/story/feelings-its-normal-to-have-as-a-black-person
It seems as if I’m not alone in having high hopes for the year 2020! Despite the exciting plans I had in store, I just felt like 2020 would be amazing! Mostly because 2020 just has a nice ring to it! We were all entering the year with 2020 vision! Man, has that vision gotten blurrier by the month; and it’s only April!! It is hard to quite sum up the feelings brought about by this year, many of us are just ready for 2021. But we all know we can’t get off that easy. We have to continue to ride this year out, and be hopeful that the year can still end on a much higher note than it began! A lot of us may experience hardships and losses during this time, but what most of us will gain is hopefully more strength, meaning, reflection, and mindfulness. I liked this blog (link below) in regard to this pandemic. There’s so much information that can be a lot to process or just too many facts that only increase anxiety. I liked this blog’s simplicity and validation of what we feel during this time.
The second link is another article that validates the grief that we feel. Also, another more simplistic and validating read!
Remember, change is constant, and in times like these we yearn for change more than we ever do! Take things day by day, you will get through this, you will be okay, and 2020 still has some potential! :)
https://aboveallcost.net/f/2020-so-what-now
https://www.google.com/amp/s/hbr.org/amp/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief
We are often called to do things; we have a passion for it, we can’t stop thinking about it, we get excited anytime we engage with it! (Whatever may have just popped into your head as you read that, THAT is your passion!) But unfortunately we ignore our passions and our callings. We may think the timing isn’t right, we can’t do it, we don’t know enough, or we just aren’t enough. 2020 needs to be the year this changes, and I’m ready to take the first step! I’ve been gearing up for some new content and new page information! My passion has ALWAYS been shame & self-worth and how this impacts our self, our goals, our relationships, really our whole existence! I did my doctoral research on shame, I’ve written countless papers on shame, I’ve presented on shame and self-worth, and I am so passionate about helping my clients identify their shame and enhance their self-worth. So why I have strayed away from narrowing in on this topic that is so important to me...I have no idea!! There’s so much I have to share! Much more intention and consistency that I’m ready to give!
So what have you been running away from?? Because in 2020 there is no other option but to run, or walk, or crawl, towards our deepest desires and passions! We must refuse to let another decade go by of not living in our purpose and finding at least one thing we are passionate about. It’s so easy to lose sight of who we are and what we want..but in 2020 we can say to ourselves.. I lost you for a little bit..Welcome Back!!
Dear the 20s,
I feel grateful and fortunate to make it to year 30, but also have felt a bitter-sweetness as I’ve approached this milestone. And I doubt I’m alone in this feeling! Many peers are also approaching or have already approached year 30. And ultimately, we all have different milestones and new chapters we are approaching in our lives. With new milestones come new changes, new fears, and new expectations. But as we turn the pages in our lives, I always think it’s important to reflect on the chapters we are now leaving behind. I can now reflect on my 20s and acknowledge all I’ve gained, and also lost, during that time in my life.
The 20s are supposed to be a monumental phase within our lives, and I couldn’t agree more. This is a time where we are entering into adulthood and have huge expectations to take on the world. We have all these plans in our head, and different time frames we are determined to reach. But my 20s (very late 20s!) taught me that these time frames and expectations do not always work out, and that’s okay! I’ve learned that I have to live life on my own terms, and not the terms that society creates for us. We may not always be where we want to be, but if we can just hold on and stay true to ourselves, we will eventually end up right where we are supposed to be. So thank you 20s for the times I saw my failures as a dead end, for the comparisons to others that decreased my self worth, and for the unrealistic expectations I placed on myself. Without these moments I would continue to be running from failure, I would continue to allow shame to make me feel less than what I really am, I would be continuing to chase perfection, and I would be continuing to let fear dictate my path rather than following my passion. I’m human and will continue to have fears and anxieties, but thank you 20s for opening my eyes to the countless possibilities that exist when I am outside my comfort zone.
I’ve gained so much from my 20s, but the losses experienced were the most life changing. The 20s brought a lot of unexpected events. Certain events make us question the world around us and question the essence of our existence. There are always things we wish didn’t happen, or that we wish we could change. But all we can do is reflect, learn, and move forward. We don’t always get the answers we desire, or get the closure we need; and this can be heart breaking. But in these moments we gain a different strength that we may have never knew existed. Although the sadness isn’t completely gone, I can still say thank you to my 20s for changing the way I now view the world. I know that nothing is guaranteed and that life is extremely fragile. I’ve learned to take nothing for granted, to be intentional with my time, and to value those around me. Thank you 20s for showing me that my strength is immeasurable. Thank you 20s for showing me that if I can just show up for myself, sometimes that’s all we need. The present moment is all we have, and I want this next chapter to embrace the present and let go of the anxieties that exist outside of the present.
So as I continue to reflect on the 20s and move forward, I can honestly say I have no regrets. I am content with what I’ve done and who I’ve become, but the striving for better will continue. So thank you 20s for setting me up for a successful 30s. Thank you for the lessons about self worth and self love. Thank you for the changes, big and small; which I have now learned to embrace. Thank you for showing me how to stay true to myself, while also seeing the truth of others. Thank you for bringing amazing people into my life and excusing those that no longer provide what I value in a relationship. Thank you for allowing me to recognize what no longer serves a positive purpose in my life. Thank you 20s for creating a stable foundation for me to flourish in. We can’t be for sure of what’s to come, but I know where my 20s have taken me, and I’m hopeful for the path ahead. Thank you 20s for the fun, the relationships, the losses, the growth, and the lessons. I’m turning to the next chapter in my life..a chapter full of unknowns, new lessons, new challenges, and new joys. A bittersweet goodbye to the 20s but an exciting and hopeful outlook on my 30s. Thank you 20s for this woman you’ve created; she’s strong, fierce, and unapologetic, and she’s now ready to say hello to the 30s!
As we end 2018, hopefully there is much gratitude, reflection, and excitement for the new year. The most important thing to remember as we enter 2019 is to live with intention. Being intentional is better than setting goals. Intention requires us to carefully plan, to reflect, and to consciously make effort for changes we want within ourselves and around us. The article below from Goodtherapy.org, discusses this, and most importantly provides questions that I feel are important for all of us to answer as we approach a new year. May we intentionally live out our desires, needs, and dreams; and remember that we can not continue to do the same things, and expect different results. Happy New Year!
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/living-with-intent-clarifying-your-values-for-new-year-0104184
The theme of 2018 has been “living my best life”. This is a great motto, and makes a great hashtag! I for sure want to live my best life, and maybe I’m close, but I am not there yet; and I’m concerned that majority of us aren’t either. We will all define best life differently, but what does this truly mean? Is it connected to money? Careers? Vacations? Family? Being authentic? Probably all of the above. And maybe this is also tied to our goals? I’m assuming those living their “best lives” have reached their desired goals? Or maybe just the pursuit of these goals defines us living our best life. I personally still have goals to reach, and although I am enjoying the journey and am grateful, I feel I am not at my best life yet. I’m living a grateful life, and I know that the best is yet to come! But this is less about me, my goals, and how I define “best life”. And more about this intuition that something is still missing in regard to this motto. In no way do I want to minimize your desire to show off your “best life”, and thrive within that life. But I question if we are living a fulfilling life? What makes you feel fulfilled and what gives you purpose? It is very possible to live our best life, but to not live a fulfilled life. It’s when we can reach our true purpose and feel fulfilled is when our best lives can emerge.
Social media is filled with best life posts and hashtags. But those are simply snapshots of great moments; but are these moments transcending into more areas of our lives? The answer may actually be yes for some of us, I am not writing to say otherwise, I am simply creating space for reflection! My fear, and the reality because I’ve experienced this within the work that I do; is that we are simply creating this ideal of a best life, that may not actually exist. But in a quick snapshot and post, we can disguise this. And some of us are not disguising, we are truly living our best life, but forgetting to connect to those most important to us. We continue to live in a disconnected society, where we may be living our best life, but our neighbors, and even our best friends; are struggling to make it through their days. We can find fulfillment in our lives when we are able to reach out to others, touch the lives of others, inspire others, and help others. Of course we cannot save the world, but are we even helping those close to us? Are we making an impact in other ways that could lead to a more fulfilling life? A life based less on the evaluations of others, and more on a genuine connection to others.
Reach your goals, travel, play, and live life based on your terms-these are definitely musts and allow us to live our best life! But remember to find fulfillment in the life that you are living. When we feel fulfilled-we truly can live our best life. I am continuing to work toward my best life, and want to help others live theirs as well! On a final note: It is OKAY if you’re not living your #bestlife right now, or if it does not look like someone else’s. Do not compare the status of your life to others, nor feel your life is inferior to others. Believe that you can always create the life you desire and most importantly, the life that you DESERVE!!
A recent theme and discussion that has emerged in my interactions is this concept of being able to live a life that is soft and strong. There can be many interpretations of what this means, however, I simply believe that a soft and strong life means a life that is balanced. When you think about the words soft and strong, these can be complete opposite. Sometimes we think opposites cannot co-exist, however, we need such complimentary qualities to bring a balance to our lives. I attempt to embrace a softness and a strength within my life. This is not easy to do, because we have learned that being strong is the only option. We are told to be strong, handle things on our own, and never let anyone know your weaknesses. I believe this is a false message we have received which has negative effects on us. Due to this expectation to always be strong, it is imperative that we begin to acknowledge the importance of living soft AND strong. I relate softness to openness. We cannot always be strong and hard because we then shut out those around us. We put walls up and refuse help when needed. When we have an openness, or softness, we invite opportunities to authentically connect with others. This requires self-reflection, and truly asking ourselves; is my strength over-powering my softness? Because true strength is also the ability to be soft. True strength is living your life boldly and fearlessly, while also being able to acknowledge times you are unable to be strong. I embrace my strength, while also embracing my soft side; and I encourage you to do the same. Embracing both of these qualities allows us to be who we truly; an individual with multiple parts. Strong, soft, and authentic.